8. Begin the sequence of sending and taking with yourself.

This slogan reminds me that I am part of “all beings” and thus my benefit is important too. This is a way to begin to make friends with the messy parts of my life, developing kindness and compassion for myself in order to cultivate it toward others.

This is thus a brilliant starting point for the Tonglen practice, because my own suffering is one topic in which I am the only expert. It can also be helpful to have my own experience as a reference point for the practice, especially when I’m finding it difficult to connect with the suffering of others.

Sometimes I might wonder, “What am I supposed to send, either to myself or to someone else? What do I have to offer? How do I know what is best?” Thankfully, we don’t have to figure anything out here. We just send whatever it is we have – anything that is precious and which we might want to keep to ourselves. This could be joy, happiness, success, wealth, health, accomplishments and all our other “assets.” It could also just be presence or the ability to stay calm in a difficult situation. Whatever you have, it’s enough to just want to give it away.

You can find written and audio Tonglen instructions, as well as guided and unguided meditation timers, on the Practices Page linked at the bottom of this page.

11.2025